Lord, I was told about this game two months ago and I figured at the $.50 price tag (on sale, by the way) would be okay. Somehow even after spending fifty-cents felt like a waste of money. What would you expect from a game that is under a dollar? I don’t know but whatever I played for 13 minutes was apparently it.

Great Toilet Simulator’s setting is comical and something that I think all people can relate to in some manner. The urge to poop is beyond anyone person can bare, your stuck in a forest and your vehicle has run out of gas!? Fuck you, right? Nope, because to boot, there is some sort of monster chasing you and the only way to evade his capture is to take a poop. Maybe this monster is a manifestation of your immense urge to shit.

As you make your way through a foggy, semi-lit forest to look for a toilet, you will experience trees, grass, a dirt road and a creature that is on your heels. The player can walk marginally faster than the creature but if he catches up then the game will be over. A pounding heartbeat alerts the player the presence of the creature, which is helpful but no sprint option makes it difficult to get away. Pressing right-mouse makes the player pass gas, which is fun the first time and annoying every time after. After the player finds the toilet, the game ends and back to the main menu to actually reevaluate why you purchased a $.50 walking simulator with fart sounds.

Great Toilet Simulator is a poor attempt at a spoopy game, but an adequate attempt at making quick money. My first play through had me spooked because I was not ready for a creature to be following me, but during my second play through I noticed everything spawned in the same place. The music and atmosphere is incredibly loud that it is headache inducing. Great Toilet Simulator is an experience and it was funny for a brief moment and then it disappeared into my uninstalled section of my Steam library forever.

Don’t buy it. For me. Please.